26 - Shame...

“In my mind, I didn’t deserve her love.  I didn’t deserve her heart.  She went from rags to riches, just to go back to rags.  From fame to shame, all because of me and my greed.”

James 4:10, “Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will exalt you.” (ESV)

Carlos knew he was hurt; however, he couldn’t avoid the fact that there were questions that desperately needed answers.  He asked, “Why did you push her away?  I mean, at a time when you didn’t have anyone, why would you get rid of one of the few people, who was willing to stand by you in all of this?”

Juan stood up, and lifelessly sat back down.  They both sat in silence for about 45 seconds and then Juan said, “I was selfish.”

“In my mind, I didn’t deserve her love.  I didn’t deserve her heart.  She went from rags to riches, just to go back to rags.  From fame to shame, all because of me and my greed.”

“I remember her through it all.  The day they took our assests for public auction.  The notice to vacate our properties.  The date of my sentencing.  The day I threatened her when… if I had listened to her advice, we might still be together today.” 

Juan sighed and continued, “For years I began to cope with the proverbial death of my family, I had learned how to force myself into accepting that I had lost them forever, and they were better off never seeing me again.  Huh.  When you think about it, all I’ve ever brought them was tears and pain.”

“Then, the God that I had all but denounced, brings you into my life.  We’re walking and talking and I have no idea that this guy Carlos, is about to unknowingly peel the scab off of a very deep wound.” 

“I was frozen when I saw her bring out the plate.  She looked beautiful.”

“It’s as if she hadn’t changed.  Literally, God forced me into seeing the one person that I thought I had shut out of my life forever.”

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