POST #3: 3 Ways to Deal With Your Anger, Before it Deals With You

It’s that cringe feeling of knowing that you allowed an issue to take that much control of you.  It’s knowing that you lost sight of who you were and more importantly, “Who’s” you were.

There isn’t a person with a pulse who doesn’t get angry.  We all have seasons where people and events push us into irritation and annoyance.  However, I know in my own life that sometimes, my episodes of anger can become counterproductive. 
 
I recall a time in my own life when my anger affected my preaching and even my parenting.  I was distant, short, irritable, and, unfortunately, mean.  In the aftermath, I have to admit that I feel great shame for this season.  Granted, I’m not there much; however, you don’t have to be there much to know what I mean. 
 
It’s that cringe feeling of knowing that you allowed an issue to take that much control of you.  It’s the reality of knowing that you lost sight of who you were and, more importantly, “Who’s” you were.  
 
The Bible tells us in James 1:20, “Human anger does not produce the righteousness God desires.”(NLT)  I know, I know.  We are all too familiar with the separation of anger and sin in Ephesians 4:26, and I know that passion in and of itself isn't sinning.  However, we can’t miss that God is on to something powerful and essential in James 1.
 
Hate it or love it, being human means that in my anger, I am far more prone to doing wrong than right.  So, therefore, I think the thing that we need more than anything is a strategy for dealing with anger.  In other words, how can I become more intentional about dealing with my passion before allowing my anger to deal with me?
 
Today, I’d like to share three angles for approaching anger!   

• Don’t do anything IMMEDIATELY:  In other words, when you find yourself in the initial thick of anger, your only job at this point should be to keep your peace.  And trust me, that’s a job in and of itself.  This is when you’ll deal with feeling like you’re weak for not seeking vengeance.  You’ll question what you should have done or said to get even.  You’ll go through many things internally but avoid the repercussions of things done externally.  The Bible says in Proverbs 12:16, “A fool is quick-tempered, but a wise person stays calm when insulted.”(NLT)  I’d go further, but I think you get it.
• Remember, your life is not your own:  I recall a friend allowing me to house-sit for her.  I remember the tedious manner in which I dealt with everything.  I put coasters down.  I was very particular with cleaning, and I would not allow anyone into the house she disapproved of.  Why? Because that wasn’t my house.  You see, we become (or at least we should) extra careful when dealing with things that belong to others, especially those we care about.  I know that I drive rental cars differently than I drive my car, and I very much see the reason why.  Family, allow this to be your thought concerning your life in your next moment of anger.  As a believer, I understand that my life is not mine; therefore, I should strive to live like it.
• Pray for Productive Revelation:   I must forewarn you that I may lose some of you.  However, I think praying for productive revelation is an excellent way to deal with anger.  Call me “crazy” if you want, but I’m one of those who believe that something positive is gained from every instance in life.  I recall when someone dear to me abandoned me in a time of need.  While I was honestly upset, I decided to do something different.  I decided to pray for productive revelation.  I prayed for God to show me how this event would add value.  Would I become more assertive?  Would I learn a lesson?  Would I become more cautious?  Whatever it was didn’t matter; I just made the objective positive rather than vengeful.
• The positive revelation became apparent as I soon learned that I depended on my friend to do something I thought I couldn’t do on my own.  This season of undesired separation forced me to step forward, and I learned that when forced to perform, I actually did well.  With that, I looked at the situation not with a vengeful eye but with Godly & providential regard.  The Bible says in Romans 8:28, “And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them.”(NLT)  Seeing the providential power helped me replace anger with awareness. 

 
So, what do you think?  Was this helpful?  What did I miss?  How are you struggling with anger?  Do you disagree with any of the points above?  Which point registered with you the most?  Let me know in the comments below.  Subscribe to the blog, and as always, thanks for your support. 
 
Kevin D. Jones, Sr.
(@kevindjonessr)