5 Factors for Finding a Faithful Accountability Partner (Post #38)

"Here is a fact, your AP will be the person who steps into your most vulnerable place.  They will know your success, secrets, and shame.  Therefore, making a sound and good decision on who you allow your AP to be, should be the highest priority."

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So, a few posts ago I published my “Wednesday Word on ACCOUNTABILITY” (click here if you missed it – in fact, I’d recommend that you read that, before you read this.) 

During this post, I expounded on why it was important for a person to have someone in their life who has unmitigated permission to hold them accountable.  However, after I submitted the post, I was then left with a new challenge. 

As I thought of the power and responsibility of this assignment, I then began to consider this – Okay, so now I’ve told them to link with an AP (accountability partner); however, I don’t think I answered the most important question: “How do you pick one? How do you select your AP?”

For the sake of mutual understanding, let’s define an AP in this fashion: 

“A person who coaches another person in terms of helping the other person keep a commitment.” (wikipedia.org)

Here is a fact, your AP will be the person who steps into your most vulnerable place.  They will know your success, secrets, and shame.  Therefore, making a sound and good decision on who you allow your AP to be, should be the highest priority. 

So to help you in the selection process, I’d like to provide you with 5 Factors for Finding a Faithful AP:

1. They ought to ALREADY model the behavior and/or goal you desire:  The Bible says it best in Matthew 15:14, “…If the blind lead the blind, both will fall into a pit."  In most cases, a person can’t help you with the same thing they need help with themselves.  If your struggle is money management, don’t ask an impulsive spender for help.  If your issue is marital faithfulness, don’t ask a sexually immoral person for help.  Sure they may be nice and easy to talk to; however, they can’t lead you in the way, if they don’t know the way themselves. 
2. Observe how they deal with the personal affairs of others:  If a person shows you their “true colors,” don’t attempt to paint them in a different shade, tone, or light.  Wisdom demands that you must look past their wisdom, past their behavior, and begin to consider their concern for confidentiality.  Your AP MUST BE A PERSON YOU CAN TRUST!  If they won’t protect the confidential information of others, they won’t protect yours, PERIOD.
3. They should have a coaching spirit, not a critical one:  Indeed, there is a thin line between these two and the depth of this line is determined honestly (and unfortunately) by your sensitivity.  Still, I believe that there is a difference between offering a helpful critique and being harmfully critical.  Galatians 6:1 reminds us that you don’t have to beat someone up, in order to build them up.  A true AP will work to leave you better, not beaten.
4. Pray for God’s Guidance and His Revelation:  The Bible says in James 1:5, “If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you.”(NIV)  As a person of faith, I celebrate the fact that prayer has never failed me.  No, I’m not saying that I always get what I ask for; however, I’ve ALWAYS received ultimately what I needed.  Therefore, as you make your selection for your AP, pray a prayer like this: “Dear God, I humbly ask for Your guidance as I make this important selection of my AP.  Lord, I pray that if _______________ isn’t the right person to be my AP, that You will reveal this to me in a clear way.  In Jesus’ name, Amen.”
5. Ask them to be your AP and give them permission to say no:  Yes, you may have the perfect person for the job; however, you may have found them in an imperfect season of their life.  As the seeker of an AP, your task is to request and make clear exactly what you’d desire for them to do.  However, you must do so with respect for their workload and time.  Keep in mind that this task is far too important, and by no means should it be unassumingly laid on the already-overloaded plate, of even a good person.   Encourage the person to know that if what you’re asking for is too much, there will be no hard feelings if they say no.  They may seek to revise the plan in order to fit their lifestyle; and if that works, then modification is key. 

 
So, what did you think?  Was this helpful?  What did I miss?  How are you struggling with finding your AP?  Do you think pride is a factor?  Which point registered with you the most?  Let me know in the comments below.  Subscribe to the blog and thanks for your support.  
 
Imperfectly,
 
Kevin D. Jones, Sr.
(@kevindjonessr)
(@imperfection360)