Is Every Contentious Conversation Worth Having? (Post #50)

“Lord, if there is any reason why I shouldn’t have this conversation, I pray you’ll make it clear.  And if I should, I pray you’ll guide my mouth."

So, I’ve been thinking (uh oh) on a subject that I’m not quite sure I’m fully convinced of.  In other words, even as of this writing, I’m not 100% sure of exactly where I stand on this issue.  However, I’m confident that as I progress further in this writing, I’ll work things out via my prayerfully guided and Spirit-led, typed expression (just a complex way of saying, “Jesus, take the wheel”).  
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So, with that all of that great pressure on my back, let’s get started.

So, here’s the question:  is every potentially contentious conversation worth having?  In other words (I wish I knew another way to say this), is every instance of my aggravation, frustration, or indignation, worthy of conflict-resolving dialogue? ​

Well, in regard to the noted question, I’m kinda’ confident of my answer.  LOL!!  I ‘THINK’ the answer is no.

​I mean the thought of the answer being yes gives me complete anxiety.  Imagine your life, if upon ever irritation, you felt it was your absolute duty to confront every person perceived responsible for said irritation, with the hopes of somehow seeking resolve. In that mindset, you are now face-to-face with everybody’s opinion, everybody’s crazy, and everybody’s deep-rooted-issues-that-may-have-nothing-at-all-to-do-with-you (whew).  

I wouldn’t doubt that you could find some positives in this approach; however, beyond those it otherwise seems pretty exhausting and even petty at best.  I mean, I’d hardly imagine you’d ever keep a friend, if EVERY offense, put you on the defense.  

​So, with the certainty of that question, I now approach the uncertainty of this one…

How then do you decide which contention is worthy of conversation

I mean there are somethings you just have to let go.  I’m driving down the highway and out of nowhere some SUV cuts me off from my exit. Furious?  Of course.  I believe at that moment that (don’t judge me people) you could boil a pot of water on my head.  Still, is this the issue you want to pursue?  Do you REALLY want to follow this unknown person, to Lord-knows where, and approach them?  

Fact:  people die that way.

On the other hand, I’m walking in a grocery store, I’m looking in the aisle for coffee, when out of nowhere; someone hits me with their shopping cart, and they don’t even say “excuse me” or “I apologize.”  Surely, this has to be the time for confrontation, right?  

I think the answer to this question, has to be made with consideration to your character, your analysis of the situation, and your convictions.  However, if you’re still in limbo, please give consideration to these 5 ways to know, whether or not, you should let it go.

1. Is this conversation designed to inform or correct?  I think this distinction is important because it allows you to better govern your expectations.  I’ll go on record and say that you should only seek to inform, never seek to correct.  After all, you can’t make anybody do anything.  Now, this realization is important, because you then can discern if it’s even worth your time.  The Bible says in Proverbs 17:10, “A rebuke goes deeper into a man of understanding than a hundred blows into a fool.”(ESV)  Take the time and discern if this conversation is even worth your time.   
2. What’s the nature of our relationship?  In other words, what role does this person play in your life?  Will I see you often or not?  Do we have regular interaction?  If we don’t, then in most cases, the issue leaves when the person does.  However, if our dealings are regular and if we have a bond of intimacy, then the existence of this issue may harm us more than help us.  Therefore, in such an instance, conversation is seemingly more warranted. 
3. What exactly will I lose by “letting-this-go?” This is very important because If you won’t lose anything, then there you have it.  This rule (in my opinion) somewhat supersedes the former point.  For example, I could have a friend whom I encounter every day who may have forgotten to pay me back $3.00.  My life is by no means hindered by my lack of 12 quarters, so I think “letting it go” may be wise.  However, let’s say I don’t know the person at all, they’re driving a passenger city-bus, and they reek of alcohol?  In this instance, letting-it-go could cost people their lives.  In this instance, this issue must be addressed.
4. Am I “letting-it-go” or am I avoiding the issue? In this situation, timidity is the culprit and identifying it is easy.   Ask yourself this question:  is the refusal to converse, hindering our ability to connect?  If so, avoidance may be the issue, and the reason for avoidance must be addressed before advancing forward.  I love teen author, Simone Elkeles’ very direct quote when she says, “Problem is, the bathroom pass can't help you escape life.  It's still there when you come out.  Problems and crap don't go away hiding in the can.”  Hey, I said it was direct.
5. Have you taken the time to pray on this issue?  I know and I’m thankful to know that everyone who engages this blog isn’t a Christian.  That is not only okay, but I’m glad that you’d still stop by.  With that being said, I’m speaking for myself and those who agree with me as believers.  I’ve learned that even if I think I SHOULD have a conversation, I still won’t have the conversation without first engaging in prayer.  Prayer is when I surrender to God’s Will over my own.  It’s where I seek His guidance on the issue, and I willfully surrender to His guidance over my thinking.  I may pray a prayer like this, “Lord, if there is any reason why I shouldn’t have this conversation, I pray you’ll make it clear.  And if I should, I pray you’ll guide my mouth.”
   
   

So, what do you think?  Agree? Disagree?  What did I miss?  What would you add?  How would you respond?  Please leave a comment and tell me if or how you’re implementing what was shared. Please know that I’ve prayed for you (the reader) and I know that God is able to bring you through.  Stay focused, never quit, and be blessed.

​Imperfectly,

Kevin D. Jones, Sr.

Author and Publisher of Perfectly Imperfect Perfectionist
(@kevindjonessr)
(@imperfection360)