Please Drop the Social Media Comparison Trap! (Post #67)

"Hate it or love it; there is a fact about us as humans, especially us 'so-called' progressive, and technologically advanced millennials, post-millennials, and Gen Z'ers. We have proven that we sadly believe that we are only as good as we are concluded to be better than someone else." 

I'm not sure if you know this or not (and I know you do), but the internet is proving to be bad for your health.  Specifically, social media.  Even more specific, mental health.
 
Senior Contributor, Alice G. Walton, composed an article for Forbes called "New Studies Show Just How Bad Social Media is for Mental Health." Within the writing, she outlined specifically how sites like Facebook, Instagram, Snapchat, and Twitter were aiding in the decline of its user's mental well-being.  The article talks about several studies done by universities and researchers concerning social media and its impacts on our mental health.  

One study, in particular, was performed by York University in Canada.  During this study, they asked 120 undergraduate women to complete one of the two tasks. They'd either, A - find and comment on a photo of a peer they perceived to be more attractive than they were.  Or B - find and comment on a picture of a family member who seemed to be less attractive than them.  At the close of the study, "...they reported that they felt worse about their own appearances only in the first condition, with peers, but not family."
 
In other words, while both tasks seemed identical, the one that proved to be the most problematic, was the comment towards the peer, believed to be more beautiful. 
 
Vain?  Maybe.  However, is it a reality?  Certainly.  The York study found that the quality of a person's perception of themselves dramatically declined when they compared themselves to another individual, who they felt was more attractive. 
 
And believe me when I say that it doesn't stop at just beauty.  One could find another and conclude that the observed person is more pretty, more successful, or even more traveled.  Their marriage could seem better, car more current, house more modern, children more educated, career more flourishing,  opportunities more abundant, and on, and on, and on.   

In other words, while both tasks seemed identical, the one that proved to be the most problematic, was the comment towards the peer, believed to be more beautiful. ​

And, it may not even be perception; in fact, it could be verifiable fact.  The observed person could receive more likes than you.  Or have more followers than you.  They could have more engagements than you, or online seem funnier than you.  These things have been proven by researchers to have the potential and probable power, to bring the observer down. 
 
Hate it or love it; there is a fact about us as humans, especially us 'so-called' progressive, and technologically advanced millennials, post-millennials, and Gen Z'ers. We have proven that we sadly believe that we are only as good as we are concluded to be better than someone else. 
 
Yikes!  How did we get here?  I don't know. 
 
Even more important, how do we repair it?   Well, I'll tell you.  However, I have to warn you that the solution is going to seem too simple.  And, it is the simplicity of the resolution, that will prompt the 5 points after that. 
 
So, are you ready for the answer?  Well, here goes.

"The observed person could receive more likes than you.  Or have more followers than you.  They could have more engagements than you, or online seem funnier than you.  These things have been proven by researchers to have the potential and probable power, to bring the observer down."

​Good people, we have to stop comparing ourselves negatively to other people.
 
Why?  Well, I submit these five thoughts for your consideration.
   

• In vanity comparison, you INSULT your uniqueness. No, I don't have the business acumen of JAY-Z, the cinematic expression of Ava DuVernay, or the shooting range of Steph Curry.  However, in light of all that I don't have, I do have something that JAY, Ava, and Steph don't:  I have, and I am ME.  I am the only person God ever created who has my unique use of words and compilation of gifts.  There is no one known or to be born, who has my comedic timing, or lack thereof.  They don't have my global perception, my desires, my thought process, or my passions.  And when I obsess over what they have, to the devaluing of all that I am, I essentially insult the gift that God created me to be.  I know what some of you are thinking, and trust me, you need point number 2.
• In vanity comparison, you also MINIMIZE your uniqueness.  I can hear at least 5 people saying: "Why would anybody want to be you (or themselves) if they could exchange all of that for JAY-Z's money?" Well, that question and thinking is the issue.  In this thinking, lies our problem and our misunderstanding.  Consider this.  How was Steph able to obtain all of his millions?  The answer is in his uniqueness.  Specifically, his unique ability to shoot the 3-point shot.  Make no mistake about it, Steph Curry has indeed single-handedly changed the modern-day play and excitement of the game of basketball.  Still, how did he do it?  Simple, he used his God-given UNIQUENESS in a way that God only crafted him to do, and in the usage of his gift, he was able to monetize the results.  Therefore, the joy of your uniqueness is better appreciated when you consider that Steph is a human, just like you.  Nonetheless, he found his unique gift and maximized it.  So, I ask: who's to say that there isn't an even more excellent gift inside of you?  And if so, why would you throw it all away to be the "2nd JAY-Z?"
• You have no idea what a person did or didn't have to do, to be where they are today.  In 2012, Rick Ross released a single entitled "Stay Schemin," featuring Drake and French Montana.   In Drake's verse, he shared a then very controversial lyric about Kobe Bryant and his wife that stated: "...you wasn't with me shootin' in the gym." Now, while I don't agree with the original context behind his use of the lyric, I think there is an essential point established.  Fact:  everyone is "allowed" to be envious of the cinematic gift of Ava DuVernay if that's what you choose to do.  However, they must also own that while in their feelings, they were never with her in the lab.  Her 'haters' will never know the years of work she put into her craft, just to become the object of their envy.  One of the significant failings of comparison is that you ultimately devalue the blood, sweat, and tears it took the focus of your jealousy, to become the object of your envy.  Ask yourself, why, if you've never been in their struggle, are you deserving of a share of their success?
• Vain comparison is the worst indicator of arrogance and entitlement.  Here's a fact:  I possibly could understand this anger. Let's say you had a job that paid $10 an hour before taxes, and you worked for 40 hours on said job.  If your pre-taxed check is less than $400, I UNDERSTAND you being frustrated.  After all, you worked for that money, and you deserve it.  However, if you're mad at the executive promotion of your high school classmate, I'd ask why?  Do you think that you deserve the same success as your classmate?  If so, why?  You may find that the problem may not be your wallet or their success. Instead, it could very well be your thinking.  Why do you operate as if you deserve something, that you know haven't worked to have?  Yes, there is a positive way to view their success; however, bitterness isn't the lens. 
• If you're into comparisons, let it be for motivation and participation:  Kevin Hart is swiftly becoming known as the "Hardest Working Man in Showbiz." If you're one of the over 82 million Instagram followers he has, then you've seen him at work.   You'll know that he's in excellent shape, he's acting in movies, and working on productions.  He's owning and operating businesses, an ambassador of brands, and connected with some of the most notable names in music, sports, and film.  However, in all of his social promotion, he's often encouraging his followers to be motivated by his efforts.  That is, he hopes that the people watching him won't be jealous of his accomplishments; instead, he hopes they'd be jolted into action.  We all need lighthouses to be our guiding lights, and our peers can be that.  As you climb in the light of beacons, don't allow their story to belittle yours, allow their story to boost yours. 

 
Thanks for your time.  Comment.  Subscribe.  Share. 
 
Imperfectly, 

Kevin D. Jones, Sr.

Author and Publisher of Perfectly Imperfect Perfectionist
(@kevindjonessr)
(@imperfection360)